Mother/Daughter, It's Complicated

A Daughter's Perspective

Mother’s Day is approaching and it’s a time that many are reflecting on their bonds with their mothers.  My relationship with my mom is one that is less than ideal.  I have had to do a lot of internal work to get to a place of wholeness.  Today I am sharing in hopes that my expression will bring a bit of solace to another young woman living with a strained mother/daughter relationship.  Below are few steps I had to make to move from hurt to healing.

Moving From Hurt to Healing

v Face the situation for what it is – No, you may not have had the perfect relationship; but you have today.  Don’t waste another minute wishing for things to be different.  Live in the now and take your relationship for what it is. Respect your mother for being the one who gave you life.  If nothing else comes of the relationship, your very existence is enough to respect.

v Let Go of the Mother/Daughter Fantasy – In order to move to a place of complete peace you have to let go and forgive.  Coveting will only leave you longing.  Understand the every mother/daughter relationship has its fair share of thorns. You are viewing things through rose colored glasses.

v Know that God Will Supply All of Your Needs –Appreciate everyone that has filled in the gaps left by the incomplete relationship with your mother. (See Philippians 4:19) 

v Forgive without Forgetting- What? I know this one goes against conventional wisdom.  We must not let our mother’s faults become our faults.  Remain mindful of the hurts only as a tool to help you do things differently in your relationships with your children.  Take your role as a parent as an opportunity to break bad cycles.

v Allow Enough Time – Healing a broken relationship takes time.  Understand the scars will always exist, and old wounds can easily be reopened.  Be patient, time can mend the broken places. Allow yourself as much time as you need to process.  Otherwise things will just resurface in the relationship.

v Recognize the Humanity in Mom – Moms are placed on a pedestal of high regard and rightfully so. But moms are also human, flawed and imperfect. Try to see things from her perspective.

v Own Your Role in the Relationship – You can either be a victim or victorious.  Make the choice to be victorious and let all of your actions move you to a place of victory over hurt.

v Turn Up the Gratitude – Take account of the rights in the relationship and begin to subtract the wrongs.

A strained parental relationship will effect every aspect of your life.  We must make the commitment to do the hard work that is necessary to heal the hurt.  I pray that peace, grace, love, and mercy will forever be your guide as you move from hurt to healing.